Stories: 02 A Friend to Smile for?

"Wait for me!"

"Haha, first place!"

"I so tried can we sit down?"

"You're always tired..."

"hehe..." 

I can't seem to understand the reason as to why I smile so much these days, is it because for once in my life I'm so content in living instead feeling that the world is just a burden. Everyday, I have a smile upon my face for just one person and that person is the closest person I ever had in my life that actually returns my feelings in this bond. 

At first it was awkward, that person was too nice and felt like my total opposite, but I grew to become fond of that person unknowingly. I never really knew how to form a proper bond with others, so to form one with that one I had to become something that would make me seen and never to be shadowed by others.

For most of my life, I was an open book that anyone can read and toss aside to be forgotten but yet that person flipped through the pages with that smile on her face while reading carefully with interest. She was the first to understand me, of who am I. Sometimes, I wished that we were friends. Though, I said I had my own, I questioned that, did I really have any? 

And so my fears that torments my very being of existence, I can't seem to express these feelings in her presence but only when we are apart and during the time of darkness. And if I were to reveal them, would she still think I'm mad? She as well might, for I too think I have lost my head. My fears, you may ask, they are just of being in the shadows once more, to become someone that people I appear to be, to be used, to be a joke, to be weak, to be something I dread to become. All these mind boggling things swarms in my mind, making it hard to sleep that I try to cry myself till I exhaust myself completely.

However, there won't be need of that with her around. My mind is at peace when I'm with her, even though I'm not her friend really. A bit strange though, since I keep saying that we are friends and she says the same. But, it is true. I am not her friend. Why? Because, what kind of friend wishes ill towards those close to her. I am also envious of her, and envy is an ugly sin that shows weakness in me. What could possibly be good for her to be friends with a freak such like myself? 

Though I say I was an open book, it doesn't mean there weren't torn pages to hide away the hideous truth to who I truly am. I wish I could be her friend.... because I want to smile. To smile for a friend.... a friend that would never disappear. Someone who would too return the favor no matter what. I think she is that someone, but I'm scared...

That once I let her see the missing pages, I'll be thrown away...

"Hey why are you crying all a sudden!?"

"What I am?"

"Yeah... are you okay?"

"Of course I am! A-anyway wait I think it's getting late see ya!"

".... bye?" 

.......

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"Are you really okay...." 

The End.